Since I was about 27 and a half years old, I have loved the Olympics. I remember waking up in the mornings and thinking to myself, "gah, I love the shit out of the Olympics today. I gotta pee." From what I've read, many exciting changes are coming to the Summer Games. For example, did you know that women's boxing will make its debut at the Olympics in 2012? Yup, women beating the crap out of each other is finally an Olympic sport. I bet the entire US Olympic team is going to consist of my former students.
...but in all seriousness, this kind of disappoints me. We should not glorify what we can already watch people do on Jerry Springer at 3am. Well, after a lot of thought, I think I have a solution. I say we petition to replace women's dyke boxing with something a lot more thrilling and exciting...
...midget tossing!
Yes, that's right. I said midget tossing. What's midget tossing? Well, you know those little folks with the big foreheads who wish they were as tall as us? Imagine them being flung through the air like a lawn dart. For a little sample of my proposal, please see the video below.
As you can see, people are being entertained and the midget-y guy seems to be having a lot of fun as well. Training would be easy. It's cheap. We could serve beer!
The only obstacle would be having to find a midget to toss. I mean, they ARE pretty rare. In this situation, old, Asian women could be used as an alternative. It's a win-win situation for everybody!
So folks, I say we ban together and get this thing going!
...how about them snapples?!
